Blog

By Rev Geoff Usher

In trying to reduce the pain of loss there are some things we can do: the five R’s:

1. Re-negotiate the new reality.
   The person who has died, is now present in memory and imagination, if not physically. When conducting funeral and memorial services, I often use the little Valediction by Leigh Hunt:
   0 friends that remain, ye will keep as much of me as ye are able; kind thoughts of me; recollections of our mutual joys and sufferings; recollections of the pardon we gave each other. You will love all whom I have loved, and me in them. ,

2. Re-construct inwardly.
We can try to achieve cognitive re-construction, to talk about “the way I now think about …”; or to put the incident in the past tense, so that we can say: “It was terrible, but now is …”
We need to avoid being locked into the past, locked into the former relationship, and not getting on with the present.
We may need to identify – and perhaps remove – the “triggers” that push us back into the mess. We may, for example, need to put way the photographs, or burn the love letters; but we should not do so too hastily.

3. Regain control.
This may be more important than trying to remove or escape from the triggers. We may need to regain control over the triggers, or over our reactions to them.

4. Reverse the demoralisation.
We need to find ways to get ourselves out of the mire: We must first recognise that we are demoralised.
One of the greatest dangers in any loss is the loss of self.
If we have said: I was “shattered”. I “fell apart / fell to pieces”; we may need to be able to say: I need to re-strengthen myself. I need to recover my self esteem / my self worth / my self image.

5. Recover
We cannot recover what has been lost, but in emotional losses we can recover / re-invest / re-ignite our selves and our feelings.
Like salmon going upstream in spite of the obstacles, we can persist in spite of obstacles. We can continue to struggle, rather than just give up and drift downstream.
Harry Stone was a boxing teacher in Australia many years ago. One of the things he taught his boys was: “You’re not beaten until you can’t get off the canvas.”
It is important to change the way in which we perceive the event. In re-negotiating the new reality, it is important to listen to the language of the loss.. We need to be able to describe carefully and in detail how it happened and how it felt then and how it feels now. We need to acknowledge our feelings, and be willing to move forward.

I finish with words by Margaret Hill, in a meditation entitled “Holy Spirit”: Open your arms, that I may feel your love. Open my’ eyes, that I may see your face. Open my ears, that I may hear your voice. Open my mind, that I may understand what you say to me. Give me the strength to bear whatever you ask of me. Give me the patience to understand what others have to do. Give me the light to show the way to peace within. Give me the love to fulfil my life, and help others to do the same.

This an excerpt from the sermon by the Rev Geoff Usher. To read the complete talk, click here.

This is a tribute to Eric Stevenson, who died on April 6,2023 from Carolyn Malian and friends of Eric.

Early Years
Eric was born on Boxing Day 1928 in Mayfield NSW, and like many others in the Great Depression his parents struggled financially. By age five he learned to grow vegetables, and after leaving school trained as an Electrical Fitter Mechanic. As a young adult he was converted by a friend’s father, a Baptist Minister. However he realises later that his “beliefs were not conducive to the development of a mature world view…but they were sincere, compassionate and strictly honest.” In 1950-1 he joined the Christian Radio Missionary Fellowship as a volunteer tradesman. It was at this time he met Ruth Anderson. They kept in touch when Eric departed for the New Guinea Highlands where he established a radio station, did surveying and excavating work for a hydro-electric canal, and lived and worked with local people as well as missionaries from Europe.

Parish Ministry
Returning to Australia in 1958 Eric was accepted by the Methodist Conference to study theology. He and Ruth married that year and Eric was given a student pastorate in the Mortdale-Bexley circuit. At the bus stop on the way home of his first night at college he wrote in his diary from then on I will open myself to truth no matter from whom or from where it was revealed to me. It was a big milestone on his spiritual journey. Their daughter Dorothy was born in 1959. Youth work flourished and a Senior Citizens Centre was established by Eric. Their son David was born in 1961, and Eric was ordained in 1963. He then moved to Lugarno where he helped establish what became the Lugarno Uniting Church, and then to Penshurst.

Mental Health Chaplaincy
Eric undertook university studies after finishing his Licentiate in Theology with Melbourne College of Divinity and was then invited to the position of Chaplain with NSW Mental Health Services, and in 1965 became the first Protestant Chaplain to Gladesville Mental Hospital; his roles included group therapist and counsellor. Over the next ten years he trained volunteers, help found the Marrickville Centre for Human Services, submitted Grant Applications to the Australian Government, became the Secretary to the NSW Council for Clinical Pastoral Education and ran seminars for Doctors, Clergy, Funeral Directors and Social Workers.

Social Planner
Between 1974 and 1976 Eric was involved in research of Welfare Services delivery and carried out demographic data analysis, plus he nurtured positive relationships with emerging migrant and ethnic agencies. Eric, as Director of the SW Sydney Regional Social Development Council, distributed $3 million over a three-year period. In 1977 he graduated MA Psychology from Macquarie University: his thesis included 50 volunteers visiting patients with chronic mental illness.

Uniting Church Marriage & Family Counselling Service (Unifam)
All the skills and experience Eric consolidated along with his growing professional interest in marriage counselling led him in 1977 to become appointed the inaugural Director of Unifam. This Service had at least seven fully-staffed offices in Sydney and suburbs as well as in regional areas and Eric visited them all regularly. Many counsellors had access to other church venues to ensure Unifam’s services were accessible to a variety of clients. Eric maintained very high standards of selection, training and ongoing supervision of the clinical staff, even though they worked un-paid until the 1990s. Under his leadership a training Institute was established with some graduates chosen to work for Unifam. Eric had marvellous networking skills and recruited professionals to provide Unifam with consultancy, management and legal services pro bono. Until grants were provided by the Federal Government a number of Uniting churches gave regular donations to Unifam to assist with the running costs. Eric’s leadership was inspiring – he demonstrated respect for all, practical solutions (like ensuring counselling rooms were well sound-proofed), courage to innovate (despite opposition at times) and nurtured his staff like a kind father. Eric, while head of Unifam, and with the close cooperation of the Family Court introduced Family Mediation services across Australia in 1987. In his retirement speech in 1994 he stated that his experiences “enabled me to see the spirit of Jesus not as the champion of chosen churches, but as the one who meets people of all persuasions and who leads them through pain and misunderstanding into paths of mutual respect.”

Progressive Religion
In his retirement Eric remained active in his community, with Ruth and his family as well as pursuing his spiritual journey, which he described “as a life-long search for and an attempt to reach an understanding of the meaning of human existence.” His world-view had been broadened through his university studies and working with mental patients as well as his encounter with progressive religious thinkers, philosophers and scientists. It was a growing search for truth and love. He willingly entered a world of doubt, uncertainty and risk with less or no emphasis on the supernatural. He recognised more and more that life for many is terrible, full of prejudice, injustice, persecution, abuse, grief, abject poverty, disability and disaster. Eric took to heart the words of Bishop John Shelby Spong; he sought “to love wastefully, live fully and be the best person that I can be.” Eric led a study group exploring together these beliefs at the North Ryde UC for ten years and following Canberra-based Rex Hunt’s establishment of The Centre for Progressive Religious Thought in 2002 Eric applied and was granted permission to begin a CPRT in Sydney. In October 2004 Rev Professor (now Sir) Lloyd Geering (from NZ) officially opened the Sydney CPRT. When Jonothan Rea and Rex Hunt suggested holding a national “progressive religion” conference Eric was invited to become a member of the organising Committee. The first “Common Dreams” conference was held in Sydney at Pitt street UC in 2007 with prominent overseas and local speakers including Bishop Spong (USA) and Dr Greg Jenks, Dr Val Webb and Rabbi Jonathan Keren Black from Australia. A total of five such Conferences were held between 2007 and 2019. Eric found a spiritual home with the Spirit of Life Unitarian Fellowship in Kirribilli in his later years, where he was a regular and welcomed presenter, often leading their Gathering Services.

Final Years
Eric was extremely honest, stubborn, practical, clear-thinking and generous. He wanted to find meaning outside institutions and institutional structures. His life was centred on love for others, especially the disadvantaged, and helping others live an abundant life. He continued growing his own vegetables, and sharing them with others; he became adept at lapidary and silver jewellery- making and even learnt to solve Sudokus. Ruth, his adored wife died in 2009 after many years suffering from dementia; Eric’s care for her was constant, deep and inspiring. When Ruth entered a nursing home Eric visited her every second day, helping to feed her long after she knew who he was. After spending his last few weeks in a nursing home Eric died on Maundy Thursday 6 April, 2023. Like the words of Leonard Cohen’s song “Hallelujah” which were played at his Memorial service, Eric was someone who sought to find Peace in Brokenness, Truth in Love and Joy in Life. He was a person who took risks to help when someone was hurting, accepted everyone as equals and stood up against structures which were unfair – in other words, a person quite like Jesus!

May he be resting in Peace.

The universe as we have discovered it from cutting-edge contemporary science—especially when exploring the vast cosmic reaches of space and time via the Hubble (launched 1990 by NASA and “hungry to capture the most intimate images of the cosmos”¹) or James Webb (launched Christmas Day, 2021) space telescopes—while hugely important, is almost unimaginable. Process philosopher and theologian, and longtime Dean (from 1945–1954) of the University of Chicago Divinity School, Bernard M. Loomer (1912–1985), adds a touch of aesthetic flair when he suggests the evolution of our planetary life

is not only a fantastic tale of the incredible and cunning creativity of life’s powers exhibited over vast stretches of time; it is equally an awesome and humbling story of the ‘enormous in terlinked complexity of life’ as Loren Eiseley made the point by citing the poet Francis Thompson ‘One could not pluck a flower without troubling a star’.¹

Unimaginable… as in there isn’t just one other galaxy besides our own Milky Way, or just a handful more, but at least 100 billion, each containing at least 100 billion stars! Unimaginable… as in black holes, colliding galaxies, ghostly galactic structures, and a dusty supernova remnant, all of which reveal the universe is a restlessly chaotic place, constantly changing its face! “While conveying essential precision and depth to other scientists”,¹ all such levels of scientific and technological observations are remote, couched in language which is complex and inaccessible, generally speaking.² And where scientists themselves have often been overwhelmed by their discoveries, finding them difficult “to explain in other than scientific equations and mathematical description.”¹ Thus the problem: such language and presentations fail to capture both our imaginations or our feelings “to the necessary level of awe and wonder”

This is the introduction for a talk by Rev A E Rex Hunt on the topic of mysticism and how we might understand the wonders of the world. This talk can be read by clicking here.

A sermon by Rev Geof Usher. To introduce this talk, there are three readings.

EDWARD BEGAN TO SMILE
Moncure Daniel Conway, from Fredericksburg, Virginia, was one of the most dynamic Southern Unitarian ministers of the 19th century. He had early become enthralled with the ideas of Ralph Waldo Emerson, and, as a consequence, entered Harvard Divinity School to prepare for the Unitarian ministry. While at Harvard, he spent many enjoyable weekends at Concord with the Emersons and their friends. Here is one episode from Conway’s auto-biography. The date is 1853.
“I remember Ellen Emerson asking her father, ‘Whom shall we invite to the picnic?’ — his answer being, ‘All children from six to sixty.’ Then there were huckleberrying parties. These were under the guidance of Thoreau, because he alone knew the precise locality of every variety of the berry. I recall an occasion when little Edward Emerson, carrying a basket of fine huckleberries, had a fall and spilt them all. Great was his distress, and our offers of berries could not console him for the loss of those gathered by himself. But Thoreau came, put his arm around the troubled child, and explained to him that if the crop of huckleberries was to continue it was necessary that some should be scattered. Nature had provided that little boys should now and then stumble and sow the berries. We shall have a grand lot of bushes and berries in this spot, and we shall owe them to you. Edward began to smile.”
Key date: July 12, 1817: birth of Henry David Thoreau. Ref: Conway, Autobiography, I, p. 148.

A WORD ABOUT OUR FAITH by W G (Bert) Watson
Open-mindedness and tolerance sometimes suggest “easy come, easy go”, but we deny that Unitarianism should be an easy faith. Liberal religion forbids us to drift with the tide of popular opinion. For example, superficial appearances must be penetrated. Face values cannot be accepted.
Our world has too many people who are prepared to accept most of what they are taught without question. Education has not sufficiently encouraged the spirit of enquiry and effort to understand and rectify where needed. Most people are content with conformity. People reason that it pays off to think and act in the same way as those around us and thus avoid rough edges in our dealings with others. Life becomes shapeless in this way.
Unitarians base open-mindedness on the existence of a higher self within each individual rather than upon an external authority. The latter has only been elevated to supremacy when too much stress has been laid on human unworthiness.. Reliance on external power breaks down when people find that it does not carry them over life’s tragedies unscathed, and when things do not fit a pre-conceived pattern. Unitarians are ready to accept whatever comes to them, however unexpected or unwelcome. We try to school ourselves to see life as a kind of exploration, which sometimes leads to dead ends, but occasionally gives glimpses of a hidden grandeur beyond. We feel that there need not be a purpose in all life, and we are ready to accept what we cannot understand.
However, there is within us the power to change things, and to build on the experience which we gain. We believe that, in view of the potentialities which have come to fruition so remarkably in humankind’s development down the ages, we cannot regard the life process as doomed to perpetual frustration.
We cannot regard our fellow men and women as helpless and hopeless. There is power to break through, to higher things within each person. Liberal religion seeks to provide the incentive for all to make better use of these resources of heart, mind and body which are available.
This is why ours must always be a religion of purpose and effort, not an easy formless faith.

The third reading is a note about the style of Unitarian communities. ( click here for the full text).

The complete talk can be read by clicking here.

By the time he came to write David Copperfield, Dickens was increasingly concerned to call upon his audience to respond to the sufferings of the poor, in’ terms of the gospel demand for charity and forgiveness. His religion was always oriented towards society and social action. By the time he was approaching the age of forty he seems to have desired most strongly the re-enactment of what had become for him the “crowning m iracle” of the New Testament: the bringing of the gospel to the poor.

He saw the gap between the material conditions of the poor and the spiritual message offered to them. He had already remarked the “monstrous task” of attempting to impress the children of the poor “even with the idea of God, when their own condition is so desolate”. In a public speech in 1851 he stressed his conviction that “even Education and Religion can do nothing where they are ‘most needed, until the way is paved for their m inistrations by Cleanliness and Decency.”

This sermon by the Rev Geoff Usher on Charles Dickens view of religion as shown in the novel “David Copperfield” can be read here.